


but the beast refuses to die

by MyShameMachine



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Depression, F/M, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mildly Dubious Consent, Penis In Vagina Sex, Some Spoilers, Tags Are Hard, Underage Smoking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unsafe Sex, more on that in the notes too, on both sides more in the end notes, this is probably not the right fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:28:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29939655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyShameMachine/pseuds/MyShameMachine
Summary: Rei has an unexpected meetup with Shinji, and she takes him to her apartment. Things go from there.
Relationships: Ayanami Rei/Ikari Shinji
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	but the beast refuses to die

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! Hope you like this, if anything in the tags isn't okay for you please look at the end notes or leave. Thank you and be kind with yourself.

She meets him outside a convenience store. He's sitting on the ground with his head in his hands, bag by his side, strewn aside like Toji after he lost a leg. There's a cigarette box in the pile, its contents peeking out in a listless sprawl out among an array of cheap snacks. Her face doesn't change (of course) but she regards him with a vague curiosity. 

"Shinji?" Rei says, and sits down next to him. He hardly reacts, just shakes his head mutely. Well. She picks up two of his cigarettes. The ground beneath them is cold under her finger tips. She pulls a lighter from her own bag and lights one, putting it in front of his face. 

He turns to look at her, but she just stares back. Hesitantly, he plucks the cigarette from her fingers, and Rei moves to light her own, only to hear him begin to cough violently. She stills, dropping the cigarette in her bag unlit.

"Come to my house", she says, more of an offer than anything. Shinji looks somewhere in her general direction and shrugs, which is enough agreement for her to take his hand and pull him up. He startles under her touch, but she leaves her hand in his. 

He looks at their intertwined hands and she nods. He drops the cigarette on the ground and grinds it to dust, then awkwardly bends over to shuffle his purchases back into his bag to carry with him. They walk to Rei's apartment.

When they get there, Shinji looks for a place to sit down, but there isn't any. She knows that, and takes him to her bed. His eyes are wide.

"Do you want, to, to, kiss or something?" He squeaks, and Rei eyes him coolly. 

"I want to do more than kiss." She said, and he startles.

"Are you sure?" He practically gasps. Like he's a virgin. Hm. Well, she doesn't know that neither Asuka or Misato had ever made a real move. She'd just assumed. Interesting.

She doesn't reply verbally, just undoes the first button on his collar. He practically squirms under her touch, but she doesn't stop, just keeps pulling buttons off until his shirt hangs loosely off him, like a sheet in the wind. She pauses when it comes to his belt, looking up into Shinji's shocked eyes. Rei lays her cold left hand over his chest, over a heart thumping rabbit-quick. 

"Rei…" he whispers, looking away. She leans over him, pressing him gently into her bed. He doesn't resist, and she moves her right hand to his belt buckle, curling around it. Beneath her fingers, he's hard. 

She tugs at it, grinding her hand onto his cock. Shinji moans, bucking up into her hand. He slaps a hand over his mouth after, curling inward a little. She stops.

"Sorry…" Shinji says a few moments later. He's turned back to her, cheeks bright pink. Rei shrugs.

"Do you want this?" She asked bluntly, and Shinji's head bobs enthusiastically, though he looks away, the side of cheek she can see further darkening. Taking his confirmation, Rei tugs again at his belt buckle. This time it pops, and she reaches under to unzip his pants. 

She could hear his breathing speed up as his cock jutted into the air from behind his underwear. Rei paused for a moment, looking down at him. 

"Um… Rei… are we going to?" Shinji said eventually, gesturing vaguely at the slowly drooping bulge on his pants. Rei swallowed back bile.

"Of course," she said assuredly. Carefully, she pulled his pants down. His cock, now free, was smaller than anything she was used to, but she had expected that. She spit on her hand, then slowly, she began pumping up and down his shaft. 

Rei hadn't supposed she was doing anything special, her movements slow and unassured, her spit an imperfect lubricant. Shinji, however, was tense beneath her, obviously holding back from moving more roughly up into her hand. She could see him biting into his lip as he trembled beneath her. She sped up, her hand catching more roughly on his skin, and he let out a long, low moan as he suddenly burst all over her hand. 

"I'm sorry I didn't last," Shinji said, peeking over at her miserably, but Rei remained impassive.

"Will you be able to get hard again?" She asked neutrally. Shinji had come more quickly than expected, but she hadn't expected him to take long anyway. 

"Yes, in a few minutes." Shinji said, more confidently. Rei could actively see him brighten.

"Good," Rei replied, and abruptly, she yanked off her dress, allowing it to fall to the floor. Shinji flinched in surprise, but all too quickly focused in on her expected targets, her breasts, still contained in a soft blue bra. 

"Do you like them?" Rei asked, and on another girl it might have sounded dirty but Rei could have been talking about the weather. Shinji didn't reply, but his blush darkened. She took the bra off, tossing it to the floor with her dress and Shinji's clothes. Rei then sat on the bed next to Shinji, clad only in her underwear. 

"You can touch, you know." She said monotonously, her heart spitting acid for a second before calming down. Hesitantly, Shinji lifted his hands to her chest, kneading gently at her soft small lumps. For a moment, Rei wished she could have laughed at the look of wonderment on his face. 

Shinji shifted closer to her, one of his thumbs working at a nipple, which honestly did very little for her. An instant later, his lips were on hers and she stiffened. He drew back entirely almost immediately as she didn't return his affection.

"S-sorry was that- not okay?" He asked, rubbing the back of his head in what she would guess was embarrassment. Rei considered him.

"No, you can kiss me." She said levelly. Shinji grinned, then he leaned back in and put his lips back on hers. Rei opened her mouth slightly and made sure she was leaning in. Kissing never tasted special to her, just wet and mouth, but if Shinji wanted that as part of this interaction with her, she wasn't opposed to obliging.

His tongue slid over hers and she knew what she was here for as she crawled into his lap. She didn't react, but a sense of coiled victory rose in her as she felt under her damp underwear, Shinji was indeed once again hard. 

She ground down on him, not breaking the kiss as she felt the tip of him brush against her clothed sex. Her efforts were however in vain, as a Shinji immediately gasped, pulling his head back. Rei pulled off him entirely, removing the final layer of clothing between them before straddling him on the bed once more.

"You want to-" Shinji began to ask before she sank down on his painfully erect penis. "O-oh…" he said, looking down at where she had taken him to the base, the point where they were connected. Rei took hold of his shoulders, face unchanging as she pulled him close and rutted against the base of his cock. 

Rei knew her vagina was hot, slick and tight around him, and she fucking wanted him, wanted this. She pulled off him before sliding back down, shuffling him further back on the bed so she could ride him more effectively, ignoring how wrong his cock felt inside her, how wrong she felt even in the passage of where it had been.

She gritted her teeth, because dear God she wanted, and Shinji was half-sobbing under her because he wanted, and yes- at this angle his cock pressed against the top wall of her vagina and that sparked warm all over her pelvis. 

She climbed up and sank down again, ignoring that it felt wrong, hissing as his dick ran along sequential sensitive areas of her pussy. Shinji came up to meet her too, bucking into her hard. Feeling that, she knew to pick up the pace, and she moved her hips faster, driving him into the upper section of her vagina as much as possible.

Pleasure built as she continued her rapid movements, ignoring Shinji's wild moans and gasped words from under her. She was half-lost in her pleasure, in her head and she moved almost mechanically. She could sense herself reaching the peak, almost there… she was only vaguely aware as to how Shinji's thrusts were beginning to stutter. 

If she had been paying attention, she might have heard Shinji say: "Rei… I'm so close, Rei please I'm going to…" before he had bucked into and she had sunk directly onto him and Shinji could hold on no longer, half-screaming and half-sobbing as he finally released directly into her, his vision damping with the force of his orgasm, his whole body shaking slightly. 

Rei felt his warm cum explode into her but she didn't stop until a few frantic grinds on his rapidly softening penis later, the cum squelching inside her and gently dripping out as she moved. Shinji watched, still slightly hazed out from pleasure, as she clenched hard on him and for the first time he saw her face change- her eyes phased out slightly, and her lips quirked slightly into a smile. She didn't move for a minute afterward, and the air was still.

Eventually, she slid wetly off his slick, soft penis. Shinji watched her, not sure how to broach the subject of what he had done. Rei hadn't seemed to react, but then, she didn't react to anything, so that hardly mattered. While he considered, Rei easily slid two fingers inside herself and regarded them blandly. She was easily able to extract a sticky goop of both her own fluids and Shinji's.

"Are you safe?" Shinji asked hesitantly, looking in her general direction but not at her. Rei wasn’t sure if she wanted to laugh or cry. Of course she wasn’t safe. Neither of them were safe. They were Eva pilots, and this was the apocalypse. Nobody was ever safe anymore. She looked at the mixture on her fingers, all white and sticky and slick. She spread her two fingers apart, watching the fluid web between them, then licked the webbing away carefully.

“Yes.” She replied instead, though honestly, she wasn’t sure. She probably couldn't get pregnant- she wasn’t sure if they had even bothered to give her the organs. Gendo certainly didn’t seem to care, and Rei wondered vaguely if Shinji would be disgusted, to know how many times his father had been where he was, pumping in and out of her. He had never bothered with contraception at all. Though of course, she was disposable. Maybe he’d just thrown her away.

She felt the tension leave Shinji, his body still pressed up close to her. He said some form of affirmative, and Rei said nothing in return. He asked if she would let him stay, and she said her own affirmation. He curled on his side (away from her) and eventually his breathing began to even. Rei did not go to sleep so easily.

After she was certain he had drifted off, Rei got off her cramped bed. She quietly opened up her drawers and extracted new clothing, putting it on. She found her convenience store bag and peered into it, careful not to ruffle the plastic. Slowly, she put her arm in and took the cigarette she had stolen from Shinji earlier and her own lighter out.

She glanced at Shinji again, then left her apartment. She walked down the hallway, out onto the fire escape. She sat down on it, letting her legs dangle down. The weather was even colder than before, a gust of wind blowing past her face. Rei frowned, but no further wind came, so she took out her cigarette and considered it in her hand the same way she’d considered the cum mixture earlier.

She took out her lighter and lit the cigarette, putting it into her mouth. She inhaled, allowing the smoke to fill her mouth, then blew it out into the atmosphere. In hardly a second later, it was gone entirely.

**Author's Note:**

> alright tws: 
> 
> -mildly dubious consent: rei doesn't ask shinji before doing unpinning his shirt or talk with him about boundaries, including contraception. shinji does this as well to a lesser extent in one scene (doesn't ask if kissing is okay after rei initiates sexual behavior). rei also demonstrates hesitance at some parts and pushes herself to continue anyway. however, in the end both would consider the experience consensual.
> 
> -Implied/referenced rape/noncon: near the end, rei reveals she has been assaulted several times by gendo, which is lightly alluded to earlier in the fic. 
> 
> and that's all folks! title is from "moonsickness" by penelope scott, though this work took influence from several of her songs.


End file.
